When Everything Matters, What Gets Your Time?

Michelle Shirley, CEO & Chief Heart Officer® of Be Strong International and author of the forthcoming book Catapult, leads a mission-driven organization dedicated to teaching Heart Skills® that help youth and families navigate relationship challenges, so their relationships feel safe, trusting, and joyful.

As I’m sitting on a Zoom call, I notice my son walk past me twice. I barely make eye contact because I’m in the middle of presenting an important issue to my board members. Finally, I pause for a few seconds when I hear, “Mom, are you still on a call?”

In my head, I’m thinking, “Obviously, honey. I’m sitting right in front of the computer!” But that’s not what comes out of my mouth.

“Yes, son. How can I help you? Mommy’s on a call.”

“Oh, okay. Well, when you’re done, can you come to my room?”

I look him in the eye, give him a soft smile, and reply, “Yes, I’ll be right up.”

Now, the mom guilt starts to kick in. Part of me wants to ask more questions, but I also need to stay focused on my presentation and the important updates I’m sharing with my ten bosses. At the same time, I want to end the call and find out what’s on his mind.

Every parent knows their child best, and when your teenager invites you into their room to talk, you know it could mean just about anything. I call these moments invitations into the teenage brain zone. They’re often fun, sometimes scary, and occasionally leave me wondering what’s going on up there! While I certainly don’t understand everything happening in my teenager’s mind, I know that when an invitation comes, I need to jump at the opportunity while the iron is hot.

I share this moment because I’m convinced that I’m not the only parent who navigates this balancing act. Between raising children, working, managing responsibilities, and trying to be present for the people we love, there are days when it feels like everything needs our attention at once. The reality is that the demands on our time aren’t slowing down. Unless we’ve somehow hit the lottery and no longer have to worry about working or paying bills, most of us are trying to figure out how to manage our time and energy while making room for the things that truly matter.

One of my concerns, especially for working parents and professionals building their careers, is how easily our relationships can get left behind in the process. We work hard to build a stable financial future, pursue meaningful opportunities, and make the most of our gifts and talents. These are all worthwhile pursuits, but sometimes, without realizing it, the quality time we spend with the people we care about most begins to suffer.

So how do we make sure that doesn’t happen? How do we continue pursuing success without overlooking the relationships that bring so much meaning and joy to our lives? I believe it starts with getting clear about what matters most to us. First, I would encourage you to make a list of your top three priorities in life right now. I know lists can sound mundane and overdone, but you might be surprised by what you write down, especially when you compare it to how you’re actually spending your time.

For you, those priorities might include finding a job that gives you purpose, spending more quality time with family, or finding moments of mental rest when you’re not working. Your priorities may look completely different, and that’s okay. The goal is to identify what matters most in this season of your life and write it down, whether that’s on a piece of paper or in the notes section of your phone.

Second, take a look at your schedule for the month. Do your daily activities reflect the priorities you’ve identified? For example, if spending more time with family is important to you, what does that actually look like? Does it mean planning an activity together, having dinner without distractions, or simply making yourself available when someone needs to talk? Sometimes we assume that being physically present means we’re spending quality time together, but our minds may still be occupied with work or other responsibilities.

If finding meaningful work is a priority, have you taken steps toward that goal? If rest is important, have you made room for it? For some people, rest means sleeping in, while for others, it might mean spending time at the beach, praying, or simply enjoying a quiet moment. Whatever your priorities are, the question is whether you’re intentionally making room for them.

We’ve all heard the saying, “People make time for what’s important to them.” While I believe there’s truth in that statement, I also think it deserves a little more compassion. Sometimes it’s not that we don’t care about what is important. It’s that we have so many important things competing for our attention. Maybe the better question is, how do we prioritize our priorities when everything feels important?

I believe part of the answer is learning to be more intentional with our time and honest about what needs to change. It may mean using the paid time off we’ve been saving, blocking time on our calendars for the people we love, or being willing to say no to something good so we can make room for something that matters more. It also means keeping the promises we make to the people closest to us, including the simple promise to spend time together, listen, and be present.

Being involved in my teenager’s life is one of my priorities. I want to know what’s happening in his world, understand what matters to him, and make sure he knows he can come to me. Those moments bring me tremendous joy, and I know they won’t always come as easily as they do now. As a CEO, I have responsibilities that require a great deal of my time and attention. I love what I do, and I have worked hard to build a successful career. But I also recognize that if I’m not intentional about how I spend my time, the very relationships that mean so much to me can unintentionally take a back seat.

That’s the part I don’t want us to miss. We can work hard, pursue our dreams, and build successful careers while still making room for the people who matter most. It won’t always be easy, and there will be seasons when one responsibility requires more of us than another. But being intentional about our time helps us stay connected to the people we love, even when life gets busy. As I’ve been writing my upcoming book, Catapult, I’ve been reflecting on how our relationships influence so many areas of our lives, including the success we work so hard to achieve. I believe we can pursue our ambitions without allowing our relationships to get left behind.

So perhaps the next time you look at your calendar, don’t just ask yourself what you need to accomplish. Take a moment to ask whether you’re also making time for the people who matter most to you. After all, building a successful life takes time, but so does nurturing the relationships that bring us joy along the way.

Visit http://www.BeStrongIntl.org/catapult to pre-order your copy today.